The Juice Cleanse trend has been exponentially growing for some time. And because I’ve tried over a dozen different juice companies by now, I’ve decided to make my own. Making juice isn’t hard; it simply takes a lot of preparation, a lot of fruits and vegies and a juicer (duh). A couple days ago I discovered a good recipe for six unique home made Juices. Most cleanses always have the following four: “kale and spinach,” “lemon and ginger,” “carrot and beat,” and “coconut milk” for dinner. Depending on your cleansing level, you can have more of the “kale and spinach” ones. But one thing is for sure: always have SIX. You will starve if you don’t—trust me. While many cleanse for three days—I only do it for one. I like food too much. Sorry, not sorry.

In preparation for this feast, I borrowed my friend’s juicer, bought over $50 worth of fruits and vegetables and cleaned my whole kitchen. I woke up bright and early on the morning of, ready to start juicing. I washed and cut for over an hour, turned on the juicer and “crack, crunch, plop.” The juicer wasn’t working (in case you didn’t get my onomatopoeias). I was devastated, confused and overwhelmed with the amount of food I had on my table. What was I going to do with 5 bags of spinach, 20 apples, 15 carrots and a hundred more things? I was definitely NOT going to by a juicer. I would use it twice a year and then forget about it. So no, that was not an option. Next best thing was a Magic Bullet (I needed it anyways). So I Uber-ed it to Bed Bath in my pajamas, ran back with my new blender and began. It took my over 3 hours to finish. And my juices ended up being more on the chunky side—with a lot of leftover vegetables. Conclusion: never again.

Well, unless I have a working juicer.