This guide is going to be quick and easy. The opposite of spinning class, really.

I’ve decided to get in shape this year, like every other human, as work-life hasn’t been treating my body so well. So, I signed up for a spin class last week that left me so breathless and sore, I thought I would never move again.

I’ve made this handy guide so that beginners like me can be well informed as they experiment with this torture. Or even for those spinning junkies as they prepare to go on their next spinning endeavours.

Let’s start with the studios themselves.

They are clubs. Plain and simple.

Why? Well let’s see: dim lighting, sweaty people, strangers, woo girls (the instructor, mostly), dehydration, fancy shoes, should I go on?

Now the guide, or what I call “Spinning Class Dictionary:”

1. When the instructor says it’s “ the last mountain,” it is most definitely not.
2. When she/he says it’s the “last spin,” again, it is DEF not. Not even close.
3. Basically anytime the instructor says “last,” it’s bullshit. So don’t you dare finish that water bottle, because that would be the worst decision you’ve ever made. (Which obviously happened to me.)
4. Same goes with “put everything you got,” don’t do it.
5. When they say “Give it 100%,” you should give it 50%.
6. “Turn it up,” it’s time to turn it DOWN, way, way down.
7. “Leave everything on the bike,” uhhh I really wouldn’t.
8. “Get into the beat” = Try not to look like an idiot while everyone except you moves with the music.
9. And lastly, my favorite, “You’re going to feel amazing tomorrow,” chances are you’re probably gonna hate yourself, not be able to move, let alone leave your bed tomorrow.  

Hope this guide helps you on your next spinning adventure, I’ll be on my couch eating chips. Peace.